Where is Your Skin Thin?

Where is your skin thin? A group of clergy and I were discussing where our skin is thin in our ministry and there came forth a common theme! It seems we find ourselves reacting most quickly when there is an attack going on in a meeting, a harsh confrontation or negativity engulfing the group. As we explored that a bit more deeply we also acknowledged that many times when this happens it is because something has been brewing under the surface for a long time and we, pastors, have chosen to ignore it and so have most of our people, until someone takes the lid off and all the built up pressure explodes. When that happens we are surprised that we get so hooked into our own emotional baggage and uncomfortable dealing with it.

Why should we be surprised? Chances are we have ignored it for just that reason...we are uncomfortable dealing with the underlying issues we know are there. So we avoid and then feel inadequate to deal with the mess that has arisen. Susan Scott in her book, Fierce Conversations, says the first principle of a fierce conversation is interrogating reality and she asks "So, what are you (have you been) pretending not to know?" Great question isn't it?

What would happen if we stopped pretending not to know what was going on emotionally in the folks around us and asked about the emotions under a statement or even offered what was going on in us on an emotional level before the confontation becomes inevitable and we are paralzyed by our fears and inaction?

And here is a segment from the Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero:

"According to some scholars, the four presidents prior to Abraham Lincoln were 'compromise leaders,' unwilling to contront the difficult issue of slavery betwen the North & South. Then a mature leader with a solid sense of who he was, what he believed and valued - regardless of the consequences - took the White House. The strength and maturity of his character and convictions in many ways forced the nation to confront the reality of the abomination of slavery. The Civil War followed. The starting point for change in any nation, church, or ministry has always been the leader: As go the leaders, so goes the church.But it is not enough for the leader to change. God wants to set others free as well - whether this is their first year as a Christian or their fiftieth, whether they are single or married, and whatever their church role may be (new member, leader, or pastor). When you do the hard work of becoming an emotionally and spiritually mature disciple of Jesus Christ, the impact will be felt all around you..." p 36

Now admittedly the part about the Civil War might give you pause and yet we also know there is a price to pay when the truth is put on the table. And this truth had been ignored for well over 50 years as this country was being formed.

Jesus calls us to not be afraid, to walk into the darkness with his light, to bear fruit in our discipleship, to take care of our flock for their well being,to become emotionally and spiritually mature and to remember that we are resurrection people who will do even greater things than he did.

So what is it we are pretending not to know as we lead in these unsettled, anxious and emotional times?